


still here

by hhwgv



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 10:34:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20208328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hhwgv/pseuds/hhwgv
Summary: Memories stained the inside of Jean’s eyelids – darkness swam inside his mind as he flickered in and out of consciousness. He woke long enough to feel the weight of his body pulling him into the unfamiliar bed and a blood pressure cuff squeezing his arm. He must have been at a hospital, but he couldn’t remember how he got there.





	still here

**Author's Note:**

> This fic contains graphic depictions of suicide and may be triggering for some readers. Read at your own discretion and please stay safe!
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

Memories stained the inside of Jean’s eyelids – darkness swam inside his mind as he flickered in and out of consciousness. He woke long enough to feel the weight of his body pulling him into the unfamiliar bed and a blood pressure cuff squeezing his arm. He must have been at a hospital, but he couldn’t remember how he got there. People were speaking around him, but they sounded like they were under water and he couldn’t understand what they were saying, or even make out whose voice it was. Before he could even begin trying to figure out who else was in his room, he was dragged back to the darkness in his mind.

The only person he saw was Riko, in all of his forms. Riko when Jean had first met him – a child, already filled with cruelty and entitlement. Riko playing exy, promising that Jean would pay for his mistakes later. Riko demanding Jean be tortured. Riko’s wicked smile as he inflicted indescribable pain. Riko with a gunshot wound in his head.

Then the darkness gave way and Jean was back in his body. It took more energy than it normally did for him to open his eyes and look around. As he expected, he was in a hospital room. The only light in the room was coming from the window to his right, the fluorescent lights in the hallway illuminating the room enough that he could see – even through the paper-thing curtains in front of it. He felt a twinge of pain in his hand when he tried to move it, looking down and noticing that an IV was sticking out of it.

Jean’s entire body ached. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, could hear it in his ears. Pain radiated from his neck and he slowly raised his hand to try and figure out why.

“Jean?” the voice sounded worried. It was the first word Jean was actually able to make out. When he looked at where the voice had come from, he saw Jeremy sitting in a chair beside his bed, worry etched into the lines where laughter usually sat. Tears stained his cheeks and his eyes were red – either from crying or lack of sleep. Maybe both.

“Jeremy?” Jean’s voice was barely above a whisper and it hurt to talk. He touched his throat and found a bandage where the pain was coming from.

That was when everything came flooding back. Jean remembered feeling hopeless, the nightmares and darkness eating him alive. He remembered the little voice in his head telling him that it would be easier if he was gone, that he would never be able to overcome his past, that he would feel this way forever. He hadn’t wanted to die, but he wasn’t in control of his body. He was outside, watching as his body switched into auto-pilot. It didn’t matter how much he tried to scream or what he did, he couldn’t stop it. Instead he watched. He watched himself down an entire bottle of pills before climbing onto his desk chair to tie one end of a rope onto his ceiling fan and the other end around his neck.

The next thing he remembered was the hospital. “What happened?” he asked, the words sending him into a coughing fit.

Jeremy moved his chair closer to the head of Jean’s bed and waited patiently for him to stop coughing before offering him a paper cup with water. He ran a hand through his hair and hesitated, as though he wasn’t sure what to say. He took a shaky breath before he started speaking. “I heard a loud noise from your room and when I knocked on the door you didn’t answer,” Jeremy paused, trying to hold back tears. “The door was locked, so I had to break it. When I got in, I saw you lying on the floor and I panicked. I didn’t even think of calling an ambulance. I carried you to my car and brought you here as fast as I could.”

Jean grabbed Jeremy’s hand. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, guilt creeping up his spine. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“No, I’m sorry,” Jeremy replied. “I assumed that since you were out of the Nest and you were going to therapy, that things would immediately be better for you. I didn’t realize how much Riko haunts you.” He lifted Jean’s hand and pressed a gentle kiss to the back of it. “You were talking about him in your sleep,” he continued, “I don’t know everything you went through in Evermore and I’m not asking you to tell me. But he can’t hurt you anymore.” Jeremy reached out with his free hand to tuck a stray strand of hair behind Jean’s ear. “I’m really glad that you’re still here.”

“Me too,” Jean murmured. He meant it.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! please leave a comment/kudos if you enjoyed!!


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